You might be hearing the term white feminism being used a lot lately. You might even identify as an intersectional feminist, an ally to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Colour but you feel like no matter what you do, you still aren’t getting it right.

Like the rules of allyship are changing so fast and so you’re afraid to do anything at all because you don’t want to be called out.

So, here’s the deal. The rules of allyship haven’t changed.

 What’s happened is being an ally became trendy. As more people come out to declare their allyship, it (rightfully) set expectations higher than they were. But, instead of meeting these expectations, it gave way to performative allyship.

 Performative allyship is about appearing “good”. Authentic allyship is about reflecting on your internalized bias and taking accountability, actively being an ally. Performative allyship is focused on how you appear on the outside. Authentic allyship requires you to look at who you are on the inside.

Sound intimidating?

Don’t worry—I am going to give you the playbook for allyship, Warning, this is not for the faint of heart. It requires work, sitting in the discomfort of realizing you have been doing it wrong and detaching from the binary thinking of:

• Getting it right= “I am a good person”

• Getting it wrong= “I am a bad person”

 Sometimes you’ll get it right, sometimes you will get it wrong. The important part is we keep trying, listening, and learning. And own our mistakes, knowing it doesn’t make us a bad person, it only makes us human.

The harm of White Feminism

First, to help illustrate the harm, or exclusive nature of white feminism, I’m going to use a pop culture example that is currently mainstream— the Barbie movie. Despite it’s performative efforts, the movie is still a reflection of white feminism. White feminism can be quite performative when it comes to intersectionality.

Yes, Barbieland had a Black president and Latina main characters, but their roles in the movie were leaning toward tokenism, in my opinion and not fully reflective of BIPOC experiences with Barbie. For example, Women of Colour (WOC) of elder millennial / gen x / boomer generations were not able to see their identities represented in Barbie.

Barbieland, with women in power was a reverse colonized society based on gender roles, instead of reflecting a true matriarch based on non-colonized society.

Queer (weird) Barbie was only called upon in crisis, and their fear of her was not directly addressed, only shown how she can be exploited.

Language that was insensitive to BIPOC communities, for example the metaphor of the patriarch being like smallpox and Barbies being like Indigenous ppl not having immunity.

The display of Mount Rushmore as a symbol for the founders of Barbie/ Ken land, without acknowledging that it was originally Tunkasila Sakpe Paha, a place of worship stolen from Indigenous people.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie and I can imagine that the creative team got pushback on a lot of what they wanted to make the movie about — and did the best they could. But they could still have done better, and issues that were universal for white women were very much centered so it’s important to examine it from this lens.

So, how do we avoid making this mistakes? Representation is not enough, we need to be true allies.

Four Common Traps of Allyship:

Below are the four pillars of performative allyship- i.e. what NOT to do if you want to be an ally to any underrepresented or marginalized group.  

1.     Virtue signalling - this is all about saying the right things. It’s having good intentions and talking the talk, but not walking the walk. It could be sharing a Dr. Martin Luther King quote during Black History Month, or wearing an orange shirt during National Indigenous People’s Day. But, the virtue signalling isn’t accompanied by challenging yourself to go deeper on your own internalized racism, homophobia, or ableism. This helps us understand when our feminism is rooted in white supremacy. By the way, if you are doing a lot of virtue signalling, people with different intersectional identities will see you as a safe space, so when they confront you, and you get defensive, you are causing more harm than good.

2.     Conditional Allyship - When doing the work of allyship becomes uncomfortable, as it inevitably will - you choose when it’s safe to show up as an ally. Or, when you don’t like what is being asked of you, you opt out. Turning your back on the people who you claim as allies, to prioritize your privilege, your comfort, your status and relationships within the dominant or most powerful groups in a given context. Being an ally is especially important when you’re the only one in the room who can see what is wrong and, of course, this is when it’s most difficult.

3.     Assuming the Role of Authority - once you’ve done work on your internalized bias and can observe systemic issues, it’s easy and natural to want to lead the way to change. But, being an ally means that no matter how many studies you’ve read and people you’ve spoken to you will never be the authority on someone else’s oppression. To be an authentic ally you must take the lead of those in the group you want to uplift. Even when you think something is a “women’s issue”, ask if what you believe is true or is it even relevant for those with less racial privilege, for example. Avoid blanket statements, deflecting, and projecting - all common traps of allyship. In the Barbie movie example, include women who can read the script and help to shed light on BIPOC experiences.

4.     Victim blaming (or not shifting the work to those causing harm) - this goes hand in hand with being the authority. Sometimes victim blaming is hidden in feedback or pressure on the group that is being oppressed to solve the problem. Asking marginalized groups to start an ERG (employee resource group) without dominant groups taking accountability for what those groups need is a form of victim blaming. It shifts accountability from the oppressor onto the oppressed group.

Take some time to refelct on the above and think about when you may have fallen into these traps before. Don’t linger in feelings of guilt or shame, instead think about small actions you can begin immediately to unlearn, repair, and become an authentic (imperfectly perfect) ally. Share this article and experiences with others and build your ally muscle!

If you’d like to work on allyship and leadership skills in general, book an intro call with me to see how I can help.