From Haters to Hiders: Changing our Woman-Shaming Culture

I was inspired to write this post after a dear friend (who happens to also be a client), Laura*, was subject to a minor cyber-bullying. 

Laura runs a Network Marketing business while staying at home with her kids. Recently her husband was out of town and she was exhausted from managing the business, kids and household duties. She stayed in bed one morning to catch up on work and came downstairs to a bit of a mess. Don't take my word for it, if you want a good laugh, check out the video she shared on social media below. 

If you literally lol’d like I did, you can see why it was shared a few times. Before long, a comment from a complete stranger popped up. The commenter criticized Laura’s parenting, labelling her an “unfit mother.” 

I have to hold back from defending Laura here, because that is not the purpose of this post. But, let’s just say I could write a short essay on how this comment couldn’t be further from the truth. 

And I digress. 

According to a poll cited in Psychology Today, sixty-one percent of moms with children under 5 yrs. old reported they have been criticized for their parenting decisions. We all judge to some degree and I will be the first to admit it. Before I was a mom, I would say, “Not my kids. They will be well behaved and never out of my sight! Not to mention, I'll have a thriving career and look great doing it.” Now that my twin boys are four, I get it;

this parenting thing is one of the most physically and mentally exhausting jobs on the planet. And when it's not your only job, it just adds to the challenge.

A Day in the Life...

One of the reasons I pursued coaching is because I went through some unique challenges with my kids. There was one difficult period in particular that I was very private about. So when people gave me advice (with the best of intentions), at that time, I felt like screaming, “you have no freaking clue what we are going through!” I wholeheartedly believe each one of us is the best person to make decisions involving our own lives. Of course we still need to have access to resources we trust, feel supported, and understood to help us move forward. Now, as a coach and a friend I strive to gently move people to where they already know they need to be, by holding a structured, non-judgemental space. 

Ok, what's your point Jasleen?

Yes, I know this post is a bit "off-brand" for me. My intention is to illustrate that we all find ourselves on either side of these scenarios in our careers and businesses. Especially as women, we have to become aware of the consequences so we can stop comparing ourselves to one another and start supporting each other instead. 

For the "Haters"... 

Next time you feel an urge to make a negative judgement, even if you feel like you’re doing the world a service, just stop. Remember, there is a real human being on the other end. 

And trust me, there are better ways to give people feedback. If you really think it’s an opportunity where you can make a difference, get down from your high horse and start asking questions from a place of genuine caring and curiosity. 

For the “Hiders”...

For those of you saying to yourself, “this is why I keep my struggles and my whole ‘real’ self private,” stop and challenge your mindset. 

It’s easy to say privacy, or avoiding opportunities that make us feel vulnerable is necessary to protect ourselves. But what is the price we pay? Aristotle said it best:

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

If you’re receiving hate...

Remember when you do have the courage to put yourself out there; the feedback you get always says more about the hater than it does about you. And if you’re lucky, maybe there is a shred of constructive criticism that will help you grow into the person who is going to crush your goals. (Something your hater, by the way, probably never had the courage to do). 

Just imagine...

Just imagine for a moment, if we were all courageous enough to share our whole selves. I think it would help us move forward with confidence in our careers and businesses. We would inspire others to do the same. And, it would change the expectations of women as an entire gender so we can start living the lives we were meant to live. Lives based on our own values, where we feel respected, fulfilled, and set up to succeed. 

If you are with me, and want to spread the love share this post with the hashtag #loversgonnalove.

Thanks for helping me continue this dialogue and if you want to receive valuable tools* that are designed to help you master the art of using Psychology to market yourself and your business (without sounding sales-y) plus receive a free workbook that will help you map out your best year yet, click on the Dialogue Insider box below.

*P.S. Don’t worry! I have permission from Laura to publish the details of her story. And please feel free to send her some love on her Facebook Page! 

*Marketing tool to be emailed once complete (it's still a work-in-progress but trust me , it will be worth the wait!). You will receive the link for the Life Makeover Starter Kit available for free download now.